Nugget of Wisdom #1

If there's not at least one person in the world who really really despises you, you're probably not doing it right.

For God knows what reason, I get people following me on Twitter whom I have never met, never had any interest in meeting, and I can't IMAGINE have any interest whatsoever in what I'm tweeting. When they don't try to involve me in a pyramid scheme or try to sell me dietary supplements, then I get really bewildered as to why they would want to read my updates and send me messages like, "lol how about guy did u and u don't remeber?lol" with a pair of lol's on either side of the sentence like fucking bookends.

What follows is a conversation between someone who calls herself Sindy Claw (crazy3) who started following me on January 16th, and her intellectual equal, LooneytunezXL. Keep in mind that this is taken from TWITTER, not AOL instant messenger, so it documents about 22 tweets between the two of them, over the course of about an hour.
As I type this, they are STILL discussing chips with poorly veiled and ineffective sexual inuendo:

LooneyTunezXL: EATING CHIPS!!!!...LOLZ
Crazy3: what kinds lol
LooneyTunezXL: Every Kind Yu Can Think Of...LOLZ
Crazy3: r they GOOD
LooneyTunezXL: Very....LOLZ
Crazy3: LOL WELL THEN I'M HAPPY UR EATING GOOD SHIPS LOL
LooneyTunezXL: U Can Eat Them 2.
Crazy3: SO HOW WAS UR DAY ?
Crazy3:really lol how ?
LooneyTunezXL: LOLZ...Cum Over
Crazy3: do u think i would like ur chips lol?
Crazy3:i think i would lol
LooneyTunezXL: Yea
LooneyTunezXL: Me 2
Crazy3: how much chips do u have lol?

Hai Dekimasu yo!

I received this email advertisement from a bar in Tokyo.


Yes We, Can!

The Party at AFRICA bar in 代官山 Daikanyama

So you missed the Inauguration parties, but you can still celebrate the love, hope and high spirit of international harmony at the "Yes, We Can!" Valentine Private Party in the deluxe, sophisticated-yet-casual setting of Africa Daikanyama.

We are planning a wonderful night filled with great music, drinks, prizes, and cool international people including tons of bilingual Japanese women who are keen to meet foreigners. Delicious Italian food will also be available. The bar can hold up to 300 people. Since this is a private event please purchase party tickets in advance to be put on the guest list and receive a special VIP + OpenClub promotion.

Mark Feb 10 in your calendar! It promises to be a special night with a unique mixture of Valentines Day spirit combined with international harmony and open-mindedness, powered by the world's biggest cross-cultural social networking service, WorldFriends Networks.

Event Details-
Date: February 10th 2009 8 to 10 PM
Venue: AFRICA 代官山 Daikanyama
Price: 5000 Yen (includes 2 drinks at full bar)

[...]
See you there,
WorldFriends Networks


I'm not sure which is my favorite part: the line about "tons of bilingual Japanese women who are keen to meet foreigners" or the fact that this Japanese bar is named "AFRICA" (all caps) and is throwing a party to kindofsortanotreally celebrate Obama's inauguration... a full month late.

Yes We Can! (take the good will and international popularity of a new president and rape it for commercial promotion). Go Japan!

Photo: Reuters


According to Yahoo News, Pamela Anderson is up in arms (or at least she would be if she could move them around those two tether balls attached to her chest) over the city of Mumbai's plan to deal with the nearly epidemic number of stray dogs roaming its streets.

The city government has given its authorities permission to kill dogs who are "causing a nuisance", but that's not sitting well with canine husbandry expert and accredited municipal health and safety official Pamela Anderson.
Oh, wait-a-minute. She's actually neither of those things. She's a marginally talented actress whose gargantuan, fake knockers landed her a TV role running in slow-motion on a beach in the early nineties. Gosh, My mistake!

In a letter written to the municipal commissioner of Mumbai, Pam feels it necessary to point out to the unenlightened savages that "dogs cannot use condoms"...

Which actually does far more to explain how she got Hep C from Tommy Lee than to offer a solution for controlling stray dog populations in India.

Ooouch...